| Kelie's Neglected Little Blog | |
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004 I have had quite the day so far. I have not done anything too terribly productive, but I am sitting here bawling like a little baby. I am making a CD that will possibly played at our wedding reception and boy, these songs get to me. The song that really did it was Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. Everytime I hear that song I start to tear up a bit, but this time I was sitting here and really thinking about the words, and how it feels for a parent to let their child grow up. I can't imagine my Hollie getting married. It must be somewhat painful along with the happiness. I wanted to include the lyrics to the Bob Carlisle song, they are really beautiful, the music with the song is absolutely gorgeous too. Butterfly Kisses There's two things I know for sure. She was sent here from heaven, and she's daddy's little girl. As I drop to my knees by her bed at night, She talks to Jesus, and I close my eyes. And I thank God for all the joy in my life, But most of all... Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer. Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair. "Walk beside the pony daddy, it's my first ride." "I know the cake looks funny, daddy, but I sure tried." Oh, with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right. To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night. Sweet sixteen today. She's looking like her momma a little more every day. One part woman, the other part girl. To perfume and makeup, from ribbons and curls. Trying her wings in a great big world. But I remember... Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer. Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair. "You know how much I love you daddy, but if you don't mind, I'm only going to kiss you on cheek this time." With all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right. To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses at night. All the precise time. Like the wind, the years go by. Precious butterfly, spread your wings and fly. She'll change her name today. She'll make a promise, and I'll give her away. Standing in the bride room just staring at her. She asked me what I'm thinking, and I said, "I'm not sure, I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl." Then she leaned over... and gave me... Butterfly kisses, with her mama there. Stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair. "Walk me down the aisle daddy, it's just about time." "Does my wedding gown look pretty daddy?" "Daddy don't cry." With all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right. To deserve a hug every morning, and butterfly kisses. I couldn't ask God for more, man, this is what love is. I know I've gotta let her go, but I'll always remember. Every hug in the morning, and butterfly kisses... Ok, just reading over that again started a whole new wave of tears. I am not sure if I am crying because I wish my dad would have loved me like that or not. I am sure my dad does love me very much, but he sure had a funny way of showing it for awhile. Now that I am an adult, we are really close, but there were times when I doubted his love for my family. Especially when he left my Mom. He totally devastated her entire world, she truly loved him unconditionally. His selfishness cost our family dearly, and even though he is sorry now, there is no way he can ever heal the wounds he inflicted on my Mother's heart. I am more forgiving than my Mother, because when I was 17 I went to live with him for a little while, just he and I. We had a really good time, and we put past us alkl the things that had happened in the few years before. Then, my younger sister Carie saw how happy I was there and decided to move back home to Colorado too. This really hurt my mom, because she felt like we were choosing this man who hurt her over her.I never intended to "side" with either family member. I don't love either parent more than the other. I just really wanted to get out of Alaska and my Dad provided a way for me to be able to do that. I think deep down my Mom still kind of thinks I am a traitor for talking to him. She feels like we should be more angry at him for the things he's done. I am angry, but I choose not to let that feeling take over my relationship with him. In the last few months it seems like my parents are starting to communicate more, and much less hostile. They have my 10 year old sister in common still, and I am glad they are trying to make this as easy on her as possible. I think it may just be the fact that my mom has cancer that is making him nicer to her, but that's just my opinion. I want my parents to know that I love them, I tell them I love them all of the time, but I don't think they really know. I had a long talk with my Dad the other day about wanting him to be at my wedding, and he seemed a little more open to listening this time. He has gotten a chance to chat with Charles online and he has said he seems like a really great guy. I was really glad that my dad was able to see past the text on the screen and discern what kind of person he is. My mom possibly not being able to come is a purely financial thing. I asked her if she would be happier if we moved it back, and she said no. She said she has no idea of when she'll be able to get that kind of time off work, that it could be months and months. She said "Kelie, you know that if I can, I will come." I guess all I can do to show my parents that I really do love them is to continue to try to be the best daughter I can be, live my life in a way that would make them proud and keep telling them "I Love you". I hadn't intended to go into all of this, I just wanted to share the song lyrics that were making me teary eyed. But wow, that felt good to get out of my system. Kelie → |
about me name: Kelie Scoville age: 23 hobbies: Being a Mommy and Devoted Wifey! links The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints For The Seekers HELLP Syndrome friends Tabi friend friend credits king i n c. blogskins blogger |